


enough

by kevsprice



Category: The Book of Mormon - Parker/Stone/Lopez
Genre: Angst, M/M, Read at Your Own Risk, it rly goes into detail w what the general did to kevin so, mcpriceley
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-13
Updated: 2017-07-13
Packaged: 2018-12-01 17:20:01
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,937
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11491038
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kevsprice/pseuds/kevsprice
Summary: kevin had only told the story of what the general did to him once, with arnold. he wasn't planning on telling connor, but there seemed to be no choice.





	enough

**Author's Note:**

> heyheyhey!! here's a short little angsty drabble i wrote on the plane !! i was just thinking about how kevin would feel if he had to tell the story of the incident again so enjoy !! :))

Kevin Price wasn’t a coward. Sure, he may have the tendency to run away from problems instead of facing them head on, even when these problems were caused by none other by himself. He figured there was nothing wrong with running away from your issues in order to maintain a perfect image and make sure he or his ego didn’t get hurt at all-

Okay, so maybe he was a bit of a coward. 

But he figured he isn’t always cowardly. There was that time in high school where he heard a few boys making fun of Mormonism and he stood up for his faith by looking them in the eye and telling them how you can be saved if you just believe. That took courage. He didn’t regret it, even when the boys laughed at him afterwards. There was also the time when ten-year old Kevin got screamed at by his parents for running into traffic to grab a ball that had rolled into the middle of the road. That took courage too. Or did it? Maybe he was just foolish. He didn’t know. 

But the most recent (and most extreme) show of Kevin Price’s ‘courage’ was the incident that involved him, the General, and the Book of Mormon. When he set off towards the camp, there was that part of his brain nagging at him to go back, that it was a terrible idea, but he didn’t listen. Elder Price was supposed to do something incredible, and that something was going to be running into the General’s camp, singing a song, converting him to Mormonism, and being loved and praised by all the other Elders and Ugandans. 

That is not how it went. 

Kevin has only talked to Arnold about the ‘incident.’ He was sympathetic and cried with Kevin as he recalled the horrific actions that the General performed on him. Arnold had held him in an embrace and rubbed circles into his back as he let it all out, and after he calmed down he thanked his companion and went to bed. He would never have to tell that story again. 

Or so he thought. 

Kevin knew that Elder McKinley was sweet. And nice. And funny, and charming, and compassionate, and-well, let’s just say he was glad they had grown closer during these past few months. The other Elder had even told Kevin he could call him Connor. Kevin remembers thinking the name suited him well. 

Connor McKinley. Where could he begin? Connor was everything good in the world and more. Of course he had his flaws, he could be a little short tempered, he would put himself down constantly, and he had given up on Kevin completely when he realized that Arnold was doing a better job at spreading Mormonism (he later apologized to Kevin for this in a formal letter, written with a sparkly pink pen). 

Kevin knew there was a dark side to Connor, though. He knew that Connor would have hell dreams each night, and would sometimes try to stay awake for days on end so he wouldn’t have to go through them again. He also knew that Connor had suffered a childhood of hating himself, hating the idea of who, of what he was. Kevin had learned these things over time. 

Nevertheless, Kevin and Connor were growing closer and closer still, despite everything, and Kevin found himself taking a liking to the shorter redhead. He already liked him before, as a friend, but now whenever he saw Connor, he felt like his heart, as cliché as it sounds, would skip a beat. Now when he and Connor would have their regular friendly chats, his palms would get sweaty and he would stutter a bit and his head would buzz and buzz and buzz and as more time went on he stopped to ask himself: What is wrong with me?

Kevin had never considered the possibility of being gay. He was too busy being Kevin Price, the super Mormon, the kid who was going to do something incredible. Looking back on it now, it made much more sense. He had never really seen the appeal of holding hands with girls and kissing girls and just dating girls altogether. Then again, he hadn’t really been attracted to any specific boys in his life, either. 

That is, until he met Connor. 

He realized his attraction to him while doing something perfectly innocent-washing the dishes. They were talking and laughing together, as they always did, and Connor’s hand just happened to brush against his when he was scrubbing a plate. This somehow made Kevin’s heart do a somersault and he turned red in the face instantly. When Connor asked if he was okay, he blamed it on the Uganda heat. Connor quirked an eyebrow at this, but didn't question him any further. 

Two months later, they were sitting on a hill just outside the mission hut, watching the setting sun, talking about anything and everything, when the subject of Connor giving up on Kevin somehow came up. Kevin heard him clear his throat. 

“Kevin, I just wanted to say, again, h-how sorry I am, for that. I shouldn’t have given up on you so easily, I know tha-”

“It’s okay,” Kevin blurted out. Connor tried to speak again. “Really, Connor, it is. I mean, I was also at fault, for running into the General’s ca-”

Shit. 

Shit, shit, shit. 

He didn’t mean to say that. He shut his eyes tightly, expecting Connor to burst with questions and shout at him for being so foolish, but he heard no response. Finally he looked to Connor for a reaction and saw his hand covering his mouth, his eyes widened, clearly thinking very hard, or not at all. 

“I’m sorry, I-I shouldn’t have said anything, that just slipped out, I should just go-”

“Wait.”

Just as Kevin was halfway through standing up to leave, Connor grabbed his wrist and gently pulled him back down. 

Connor cleared his throat. “Kevin, this is clearly something you’re very...uncomfortable with discussing, so I’m not going to force it out of you. However,” he held Kevin’s hand and gave it a squeeze. “I am your district leader, and if something happened between you and the Ge-Elder B, then I feel that I need to know. You don’t have to tell me until you’re ready, and I won’t tell anyone else.”

Kevin was holding back tears at this point. He hated talking about what had happened at the camp. When he told Arnold for the first time, he felt like he was being teleported back to when it happened, back to when he felt himself lose all hope, back to when the General grabbed him roughly, shoving him onto the dirty ground, ripping off his clothes, the taunts of the men standing around him, the feeling of humiliation and fear surging through him, stronger than any other emotions he had ever felt in his life. 

He hadn’t even noticed the tears that were rolling down his cheeks until he felt himself being pulled into an embrace with Connor. He heard him whispering things like “Shh, shh, it’s okay,” and “Just take your time,” 

Kevin cried into his shoulder for a few minutes, then when he had calmed down, finally broke away. He knew he looked like a mess-his bangs were in his face, his face was flushed, and he was definitely not a pretty crier. But somehow, he found the courage inside of him to continue. 

“A-after you, uh, left me to go with Arnold, I figured I would go and do something, something incredible. The only thing I could do, or so I thought, would be t-to run into the General’s camp, and convert him. So I did. And I sang to him, and I tried to-tried to make him dance with me! I was such a fool,” Kevin shook his head sadly and felt his eyes pooling up with tears again. “I thought I could convert him. I thought it would work. B-but it didn’t, obviously. He and his men, they were all staring at me, I thought they would shoot me. Looking back on it now, I kinda wish they did.”

Kevin didn’t notice the tears that slipped out of Connor’s eyes once he said that. 

“S-so, he started walking towards me, and I was starting to panic. I screamed, and h-he grabbed me,” Kevin started to shake. 

“He grabbed me, and shoved me into the dirt, then he and his men started to, to rip my clothes off. They were all staring at me, a-and laughing, and I have never felt as far away from Heavenly Father than I did in that moment. S-so, the General, he, uh, he took my copy of the Book of Mormon, and he, h-he shoved, he shoved it up my ass. Th-then, and then they all laughed at me again, and left me there, shaking and crying and lying there in the dirt, a-and that was the moment I fully lost my faith in Heavenly Father. I have never felt more alone, more ashamed, a-and I cursed God. I cursed the world, I cursed the men who did it to me, and I just stayed there, sh-shaking and crying, for hours. I couldn’t, I couldn’t stand up. I wished they had killed me. Sometimes I still do. But I still remember it, c-clear as day. I’ll never forget the way he grabbed me, and the way he laughed, and the way the dirt scratched against my back, and h-how, how cold it felt. In Uganda! And I will especially never forget how it felt afterwards, the feeling of defeat, not to mention the obvious pain, but th-the humiliation was, it was too much-”

And then Kevin burst into tears. Connor was already shaking his head slowly, covering his mouth, silent tears falling from his eyes. Kevin let out a choked sob and Connor surged forward, holding onto him like a lifeline, rubbing his back, soothing him through the sobs that wracked his body. Connor was murmuring into Kevin’s hair, “Shh, it’s okay, he can’t hurt you anymore.”

When this failed to calm him down, Connor held him tighter, and Kevin clutched onto the back of his shirt, still sobbing and shaking. 

“Kevin, it’ll be okay, it’ll be okay, take deep breaths, I love you, I love you, I love you…” 

Upon hearing this, Kevin’s breathing started to slow. He let out a few final muffled cries before separating from Connor. He looked worse than before, but that didn’t seem to matter, as Connor was still looking at him like he was the most beautiful thing in the world. 

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be,” Connor cut in. “What you went through, I-I can’t possibly imagine what that must’ve been like. You know, I think you’re the bravest person I know. You ran right into that camp, knowing fully well what could happen, but you did it anyway.”

Kevin felt Connor hold his hands and squeeze them. 

“Kevin Price, I think that is the most courageous thing I’ve ever heard someone do.” 

Kevin felt a tear roll down his cheek once more, but he didn’t say anything. He simply turned around to look at the now dark sky, staring at the stars, small and bright and beautiful. 

Connor looked too, slowly grabbing Kevin’s hand, giving it yet another squeeze. Kevin squeezed back. 

And in that moment, Kevin had never felt more at peace. He looked deeply into the night sky as Connor’s hand stayed intertwined with his and thought to himself 'this is enough.'


End file.
